You!  That’s right, I’m back!  It’s been a while and for those of you who have been missing my insightful, thoughtful and sometimes brave observations detailed in “Helpful Hints for Living a Happy Life,” I apologize for leaving you out in the dark for so long.  It was not what I wanted, but I’ve had to sacrifice a lot over the years to serve out my God-given mission and there was a time when the very people I love so much (you!) are those who’ve suffered most.

What have I been busy doing, you ask?  Only what I’ve always done.  I’ve been fighting the good fight, sticking up for people like you; the little people.  Also, I do have a job and I wouldn’t be setting much of an example as your humanitarian representative by ignoring my duties as a man.  It’s been a busy few years.  We’ve seen the death of the common man in the sad final days of the great G.W. Bush experiment.  When historians look back upon those eight tumultuous years when it seemed like Anything could happen, let them say it was a time when we as a nation truly did push the limits of reason, tested the tides of evolution and stood up to the great faceless voice across the seas and said, “this is America, we do things Our way.”

It was a proud time.  But we’ve moved on, and are not entirely hopeless.  In the past two years, we’ve learned that it doesn’t matter if you’re black, white, orange or female, it’s hard to run a country that has so many passionate, drive and diverse people.  When President Obama was elected we knew what he’d inherited and we knew it would take a long time to fix things.  But Jesus Christ, it’s been two years!  How long do you want?  Our patience grows thin, and will only continue to do so as unemployment remains around 9% and President Obama still insists on hanging out with the Chinese.  What a waste of time.  I don’t care what you say, I don’t trust a people who bring me a fully prepared lunch less than five minutes after I’ve ordered it.

Times are tough right now and there are few people other than me who can do anything, but I’m afraid my return to your good graces comes with some hard truths.  I am out of the civics game.  I am but merely a stander-by in this beautiful ballet we call politics.  I’ve cashed in my place at the table for a more scholarly pursuit.  I am not able to offer the inside information that I provided before so easily.  I can only deliver my unique perspective and hope that that alone is enough to get us through the next two years.

Additionally, in my time spent apart from you, my beloved and wholeheartedly devoted fans, I’ve taken up an appreciation for the fictional arts; the great stories of our time that reveal the greater truths.  It is this lens through which I plan to offer you comfort and salvation.  For starters, I’ve recently learned of an annual awards ceremony for the motion picture industry that culminates in the announcement of what it believe to be the best film made the previous year.  Surely it is here where I can once again lay claim to the zeitgeist of America, where all the hopes and dreams of this great nation are lent voice and view for one special night.  I will indeed be so bold as to say this ceremony IS America.  I will view and review each of the nominated films in the next month.  You will learn to see them in a new light and we may just learn a little bit about each other.

So come with me as we embark on another great journey through great American experiment.  We shall have great times together.

Alouishis